If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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