Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
