I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
