Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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