very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
