I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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