i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
