It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
