i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
