you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just had sex on a roof
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
