I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
