He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
