That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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