why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
