I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
