Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
