so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
