fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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