He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
