I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
