Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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