you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
