So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Randomize
