Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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