It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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