so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
