i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I wish there were birth control emojis
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
