I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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