That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
