He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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