I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
NoShamevember. You game?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
