For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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