Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize
