My boss' voice literally gives me gas
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
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