what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
