i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
