I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
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I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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