Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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