Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
