Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
