that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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