The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
