if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company