Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.