Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.