Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
it was like having sex with a tree stump
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?