I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE