god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
What drink are we having for lunch?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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