Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Sext me about skeletons
39 Memes Anyone Who Cries When They See Their Bank Account Will Relate To
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.