New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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