I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
nutella sex= disaster
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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