I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
