When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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