the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Two words: nipple clamps
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