I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
