I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
