Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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