did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
