he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
