And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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