Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
