If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
