She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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