Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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