I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
