Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
