Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
