it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
