i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
