Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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