hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
sex in a hospital.. check
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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