I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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