its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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