Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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