i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
