I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Randomize
