we have officially lost it.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
